God Kisses

The other day I was going through some old things and found some money.

Eureka!

That blessing was right on time. For real.  I definately needed it financially, but I also needed it spiritually.

I go through each day believing, in faith, that I am pleasing the Father.  I don’t strive to please Him because I do understand that He loves me unconditionally; just because.  But my heart’s desire is to be intentional about my relationship with Him and by extension my relationships with those around me.  In this season, I have been enjoying His presence, His peace, and His love with a consistency that has been beautiful.  Hearing His voice, being sensitive to His leading…those have been my goals.  So although I recognize and believe that I am in tune with Him, I still sometimes wonder, ‘Lord am I pleasing you?’

There is something so lovely when moments come like the one where I found the money…when God does something or reveals something so unexpectedly wonderful, that I can almost hear Him audibly say, ‘Yes. Yes you are.’ 

Those moments are what I call God kisses–a term coined by a good friend.

I love His kisses.

“Let Him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth; for thy love is better than wine.”   Song of Solomon 1:2

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A Bag By Any Other Name

My New Best Friend

Soooo.  I went to Nordstrom Rack to get some Neutrogena RainBath.  For real.  I love that stuff.  On my way to that section, and toooootally minding my own business, I unwittingly had to travel through the handbag section.  As I walked by racks heavy with various leather delights, my eyes landed on that baby above.  I swear I could hear the angels above me singing the Halleluia Chorus.  And why wouldn’t they; she is beeeeeautiful!  I stopped in my tracks.  I think my eyes teared up a little as I took it all in.

To understand my awe and amazement, you have to understand what preceded this truly divine moment.

Flashback to several months ago.  One of my close friends managed to find (without me in tow, mind you), the most fabulous black Coach bag.  It is similar to the one above in size and, of course, color.  I commute to and from work everyday by public transportation, so a bag that can carry all my junk in one fell swoop is optimal.   Needless to say, when said ‘friend’ came around with her new cute bag, by my FAVORITE handbag designer no less, I was shall we say…not as excited as I should have been for her. Humph!  It was then that I began coveting her bag, repeatedly and consistently every time I saw it.  Confession is good for the soul, so, yeah, I considered  pushing her down and taking it on more than one occasion.  But she’s taller than me–I would’ve lost that battle, quick.

Fast forward to now.

Isn’t she lovely? Okay, okay, yes, it is a sad day when the joy of my life is a handbag, but hey, this isn’t just any old handbag, this is THE handbag.  And no, it’s not a Coach, but it’s the next best thing and my other favorite designer…B. Makowsky!  If you don’t know, you better ask somebody!

Excuse me now, I’m gonna go hang out with my new best friend!

A 40 and Fabulous Woman

I’m am not 40.

I passed that great milestone six years ago. For me it was a time of reflection and, yes, much gratefulness for having been alive 40 years. As a child, I couldn’t imagine my life as an adult, let alone 40. I had a great deal of fear as a child about whether I would live to see adulthood. I had a lot of fears, period. Many of those fears have fallen away as I have grown and matured; some I had to fight away, and some, still linger…but that’s another post for another day.

I mention it only to point out that getting older, does mean getting better–if that’s what we choose. As I see it, the goal is to become more graceful and more settled with time. Like fine wine, we experience the crushing, extracting, and fermenting process with our hearts goal of coming out on the other side of that process a strong, affecting, beautifully packaged sample of fruit from the original and true Vine.

I saw a beautiful example of that last night.

One of my closest sister-friends turned 40 yesterday. We celebrated her milestone at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse-Girls night style with a couple of awesome Dads in the house to try and keep the unruly group in check. To no avail.  Still, it was an intimate and wonderful event with 20+ of the rowdiest, loudest, funniest, and most loving group of God honoring sister-friends you could ever imagine.! We had a blast!

And though the honeree knew her friends and family would want to shower her with love and gifts, she choose to shower us with her words and a gift for each of us. What a lovely example of the heart of God. While we are in the midst of lavishing Him with our love because of His gifts to us like salvation, peace, joy (and the list goes on and on…), still, He blesses us with even more, spiritually and naturally.

Treva D., you exhibited such a beautiful example of the Father’s love and such a living testimony of the ‘fine wine gets better with time’ concept. Your 40th year is going to be filled with love, joy, peace, miracles, the fullfillment of destiny, the fulfillment of promises, and more destiny and more promises revealed!!

Happy 40th, Sis!

What’s In A Name?

Finally went to the Social Security office a few weeks back.  It was the first step to legally restoring my maiden name.  I took something to read anticipating a long wait, but my number was called in less than 30 minutes.  Moments later, the gentleman at window number one slid my driver’s license and divorce judgment back to me and said that my new social security card would arrive within two weeks. 

And there it was.  

In less than 30 minutes my maiden name was restored. That’s just about how long it took for me to take on my ex-husband’s name initially when we got married at the Alameda County courthouse.  This time though, instead of well wishes and smiles as we left the courthouse, I experienced a quick, cold, and impersonal process to give back a name I so willingly embraced only several years prior. 

The divorce has been final for quite some time and we were separated long before that, yet I still had pangs of  pain at hearing that it was done; my name restored.  Anyone who says that divorce is easy must be very detached from the process.  Maybe you have to be.  I haven’t been detached from any of this process…though I have longed to be–prayed to be–begged to be.  They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and no, I didn’t die a physical death but in the wake of my divorce there was certainly a death.  The relationship died.  And the me I was in that relationship died.  I mourned the first and rejoice over the second.  

Mourning the death of the relationship is over except when I am tying up loose ends like this that I have been putting off.  After I left the social security office I realized how much I had procrastinated about this task.  Based on the blow that killed the marriage, I should have practically ran people over with my car trying to get over to that office and reclaim my maiden name before the ink was dry on the divorce judgment, but I didn’t.  In the months following the arrival of the final divorce decree, I told myself it was too inconvenient–who has time to sit for hours at the social security office (DMV office, etc.)  and wait?   It wasn’t that I had hope of reconciliation, but rather finalizing the smaller matters were just reminders of a relationship gone south–way south. 

No one can ever explain to you the depth of pain you will feel at the severing of a marriage.  And it doesn’t matter whether you are the petitioner or the respondent–each side feels some level of pain–albeit in varying degrees.  It is a very literal tearing apart.  Two people vowed to work through everything, for better or for worse and at least in my case, clearly that promise would not be met. 

Obviously, I reclaimed my name (and symbolically my life) long before my visit to the social security office–that was just a formality.  Looking at it now, the procrastination to finish these details was possibly symbolic of my whole journey in and through the divorce.  I had invested my whole self (the good, the bad, and yes, the ugly) in joining myself to another person.  It was difficult for me to adjust to the loss.  We give all, risk all, and sometimes…lose all but I am so glad I gave my whole heart to my then husband and to the relationship.  I know now that my capacity to love goes deep and I am a better, stronger, and more compassionate person today for having gone through every part of that relationship from happy, hopeful, beginning to sad end; and I am greateful for every moment–I can say that now.  Truly the saying that, it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all rings true for me.

Would I have liked for the lessons to be less painful and the journey less bumpy? Heck yeah!  But that’s not how my story was to go.  And for me, the revelation is that before I ever took on my ex-hubands name I took on my heavenly Father’s name.  So while I did have to reclaim my earthly maiden name, I am humbled by the fact that I never lost or had to reclaim my heavenly name or status in His kingdom.  What I went through and experienced was painful beyond anything I could have imagined, but I know for certain that God was right there with me.  I would not be the me I am now, healed and working toward wholeness, if it had not been for the grace, wisdom, and unconditional love of my Father. 

So what’s in a name?  Everything if it’s the right name. For me, the name and mark of my Heavely Father on my life has meant everything.

D.